Dave Burdick provides weekly reviews of things that happen. This is one of them.

PRO:

• Allows for wider driving lanes
• Prohibits bad drivers from visiting areas near me
• Alliterative
• While parking, you’re allowed to hit other cars.
• While parking, you’re allowed to hit whatever.
• After hitting things, you can leave a note with an apology and Elisha’s phone number.
• This works especially well if you borrow Elisha’s car first.

CON:

• Sometimes difficult
• That cute girl at the coffee shop saw me take about a half hour to park the other day
• Now my girlfriend is mad at me for talking about the cute girl at the coffee shop.
• Now NOW is mad at me for saying “girl.”
• Thing is, she wasn’t a woman, she was a girl. She was 9. And cute.
• Where was her mother, anyway?
• Now NOW is mad at me for perpetuating a thing by assuming it was the mother who should have been caring for the girl.
• And a few people are concerned about which way I meant the word “cute.”
• And my parking job wasn’t very good, either.
• Because I parked on Venus and that’s where women are from.
• So I’m surrounded.
• And also I am dead because I cannot breathe on Venus.

FINAL GRADE: Parallel parking is crap because it gets me in trouble with feminists and makes me go to other planets where I get beat up by feminists.