So, I’ve been very slowly watching the 1959 movie FBI Story, starring Jimmy Stewart and Vera Miles. Slowly because there are many scenes that are so totally fantastic that I have to watch them over and over again, then walk into my roommates room howling about how hilarious they are.

For example, there’s a marital dispute between Stewart’s and Miles’ characters that turns into an argument about eating shrimp with ice cream. I watched it five times and demanded that Reid watch it. He refused, so I turned the volume on the TV up so loud that he couldn’t help but hear it. Then he quietly agreed with me that it was worth it or quietly cursed my name but I’m assuming it was the former.

Here are some of the best lines from the bits of the movie I’ve seen so far:

Miles: You can’t just go getting married like ordering a ham sandwich.
Stewart: You can if you’re hungry.

Captured bad guy: In case I get any mail, you can send it to Canon City Prison for the next month or so. After that you can send it to Hell!

Stewart: It’s not very romantic kissing somebody in the middle of the murder section.

Townie: Well, beat a rug!

Miles: Does tissue paper really mean all that much?
Stewart: Not in this house!

Stewart: On Sunday morning he left the house. He couldn’t be going to work. Since he was a Communist, we knew he wasn’t going to church.

What a movie. Please watch it. Please. By the way, yeah, unemployment is going pretty OK.